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Why bring the past into it?


Blame! by iandesign
Blame! by iandesign
This is a short excerpt from my next book: Getting out of the hole (tentative title)

Like many, I was conditioned to ‘be in trouble’ if I did something wrong. Recently, I heard a crash on the patio outside and I saw my younger son. A three foot statue lay next to him, broken in half. Watching his reaction, I observed him sit down and look very uncertain. He wasn’t upset, as most of would be as we would be expected the parental shouting the being sent to the room palaver. He sat uncertain as to how to react. I excused myself from my client and went out to see him. “It fell over,” he whispered. “I know, are you ok?” He nodded, a tear in his eye. I picked him up and held him tight. “How did it fall over?” “I was wobbling it.” “Ah, now you know that big things can fall over. I’m just glad that it didn’t fall on your foot.” We hugged for a while till his emotions subsided.

A few years ago, I would have shouted and ranted about the cost of the statue – because that’s what I grew up on. When we broke things as kids, we were shouted at. Logically, the shouting is not going to do anyone good. The statue was broken and irreparable. That’s that. My son was not hurt – that was the priority. I spoke of the physics involved. He admitted that he wobbled it. Talk over. I won’t hold it against him like I’ve heard so many times in life: “You’re useless! You can’t be trusted with anything! Remember that statue…!”

What is that game? It’s the kind of game that puts all of us in holes. The accuser can’t let go of the past and the defendant is now incarcerated for good in the accuser’s mind. Both are in trenches like the soldiers of the First World War flinging verbal bombs at each other. Both have wrapped themselves in mental slavery – each seeking to master the other in their own way. “Well, if we’re going to talk about the statue, what about the time you didn’t take me to the park?”

Oh my gosh. We’ve heard those conversations many times. We’ve initiated them and we’ve been subjected to them. Courage says – get over it. The past is past. Get out of the dark hole you’ve cast yourself in.

Image: BLAME!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/iandesign

Article by Dr Alexander Moseley
Added Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:12

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